The Moonstar Dairies, Dreams of a Stray
by strayphoenix
Summary: A collection of vignettes all based on dreams i have actually had. Each chapter is different. Ch.1 X23 on the run Ch.2 Betsy in Heaven looking at the world
1. explanation

**_The Moonstar Dairies, (Dreams of a Stray)_** is a collection of X-Men related dreams and nightmares that I have really had. In most of my dreams, I am Jean because she is my favorite and I can really relate to her. In some others, I find myself in the bodies of Psylocke, X23, and even Emma Frost. In other dreams I am simply the outside observer watching the X-Men do their thing.

The ratings and categories for each story vary. They are all one shots because my dreams rarely have sequels (it has happened though).

I can't know when my next decent dream will come so I can't promise when I'll update next. The first few will be one after another because I've had them written for a while and I just haven't posted them yet.

At the end of each story, is an explanation of how each dream came to me. I have altered them slightly to make them story-like.

**Disclaimer for all chapters:** X-Men are not mine. Heck the plot isn't even entirely mine. It belongs to my subconscious. Thank it :)

Enjoy and feel free to think I'm weird!


	2. Sins

**1. Sins**

**Starring: X23**

**Rating: K**

* * *

She ran. 

She ran like she had never run before.

The shameful excuses she had for legs weren't going fast enough.

She had to get out. She had to leave.

She knew she couldn't get far. Not with him on her scent and the telepaths on her trail.

They'd find her. They'd never stop until they did.

Why?

Because they loved her. He loved her.

Her thoughts were confused, jumbled, useless.

Why was she running?

She had forgotten.

Fool.

She should be running in the other direction. Towards the one's she loved, not from them.

But she had done it again. She swore she wouldn't and she did.

They trusted her and she failed them.

She failed them terribly.

She heard them call out her na--no. Not her name. Never her name.

She heard them call out her number.

X23.

So she hid, like the animal she was.

They'd find her.

She wanted to keep running but she couldn't. Her body wouldn't allow it.

She wasn't some psycho super-soldier.

She was only mutant. Only human.

She heard the footsteps stop.

She heard the order to search the area.

She heard the heartbeats fade off into the distance.

She heard him.

"X?"

Her heartbeat sounded as loud as a blow horn.

'Logan will hear' she thought.

She concentrated as hard as she could on silencing her heart. To quiet it so that he couldn't find her.

Even if it meant death.

She saw his foot and held her breath.

He dropped to one knee to look her in the eye.

"Accidents happen, X" he whispered.

"Not to me" she whimpered. "Not to us"

He held out his hand.

She popped her claws.

He gently smiled, a feat hardly accomplished by the Wolverine.

He popped his own claws.

He reached out, letting their claws touch with a small 'tink'.

A gesture of trust.

"Jean will never forgive me" she spoke up, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"She will" he confirmed.

"Not for this. Not for…"

"Scott'll heal. He's tough."

"Not like 'us tough', though" she responded sadly.

"No, but give him time"

"It's gonna take weeks, months…" her voice quivered.

He brought her into and embrace, their claws still exposed.

Raindrops began to fall around them.

They mixed with her tears of self-hatred and guilt.

"Let's go home"

"They don't want me at home" she sniffled.

"Have we ever cared?"

She shook her head with a weak smile.

"Home now?" he asked.

"Yes. Home. Ours."

As the light shower subdued, the stars shone brighter than ever in the night sky.

They walked home in silence, fingers and claws interlaced.

* * *

This is slightly changed from the way it came to me. My dream started with me standing over a body I didn't recognize at first, staring at the blood on my hands and claws. I then focused on the body that I realized was Scott's. He was panting between coughs of blood. I looked to the doorway to see Jean, standing in her night clothes (that looked an awful lot like skimpy lingerie), staring at me disbelievingly. I looked back down at my hands and then to her. "It was an accident" I said. It sounded a lot like the way Rouge said that line in the first X-Men movie when she stabbed Logan. I turned on my heels and ran. The dream is the same up to the part where they actually start having a conversation. In my dream, Logan and I didn't talk and I woke up at the embrace. 

Just thought you should know.


	3. Rinse

**3. Rinse**

* * *

"I don't understand" she spoke, her voice choked up as she spoke to herself.

"Why can't he see me?"

"I know" said a voice from behind her. "Do you want to know too?'

The young woman looked over her shoulder to the stranger's voice.

"Yes. Why can't he see me?"

"He doesn't want to" the Angel of Death responded. "He's rinsed you away"

"Can't he get dirty again?" she asked, almost begged the woman before her whom she instantly recognized as an angel.

"He has" said the Angel, "but it's not you". She spread her wings and an image flashed across the woman's eyes.

It was him. She smiled as she stepped foreword, entering the mortal plane. She felt weird and out of place. Heaven was much bigger. It fit better. But here, in the world she didn't belong to even when she was alive, it was almost like weighing five times heavier and on top of that, being blind.

But she didn't care. He was here.

But it was like he wasn't.

He still couldn't see her. He had his eyes on another woman in the room.

"'He's rinsed me'"

Even as she repeated the angel's words, they sounded hollow, impossible.

How could he rinse her? She—They—

"Why?" she begged the figure. "Why?"

"I know. Do you want to know too?"

The Angel of Death stepped through the vision as well. But as she did, her appearance changed from that of a bat-winged, dark-haired woman to a regal panther with the same bat wings and a gold necklace. It had a weird design on it.

"Yes. Why has he rinsed me, Angel?"

"Because he had to."

She looked upon the man of her dreams, going about his life like nothing had happened, giggling and playing with the other woman like a little boy. He had fallen in love again.

And it hurt her.

"He had to? Why did he have to?"

The panther came to sit at the feet of the mutant woman.

"Because the Soulless said so."

In her mortal life, she had never known of such thing as a Soulless but upon dying she learned that it was the name of the book of fate.

There was a Soulless for every dimension, galaxy, star, planet and living thing.

"What does the Soulless say?" she whispered through her tears. She knew that what the Soulless said could not be changed.

The panther/angel looked up at the heart broken young woman.

"I know. Do you want to know too?"

"Yes" the woman said calmly, not at all irked by the repetition of the question. "What does the Soulless say?"

"Do you want the cliff-notes version or straight from the book?" asked the panther with a very humanly smirk.

The woman smiled despite herself. "Both" was her response.

"_When angel's lose,_

_but do not cry,_

_that will be the day_

_foreseeing the new sky"_

"And what does that mean?" the woman tore her eyes from the couple in front of her to look as the Angel of Death in the eye.

"What it **_means_**, Ms. Braddock, is that the universe has some big plans for Mr. Warren Worthington the third."

Even though the angel tried to sound light hearted to brighten the mood of the woman, it barely worked.

"Does it say anything about her?" she asked indicating to the girl whom Warren was with.

"_The child to come_

_Will have angels for parents,_

_Through a love and another,_

_Wings will be inheritance"_

"You're going to have to spell this one out for me" she sighed.

"The Soulless speaks of a child to be born around this century. It will have angels for parents…"

"But Paige Guthrie is anything but an angel" she said coldly, looking back at the young girl who was still with Warren.

"I was getting to that" said the angel/panther in slight annoyance. Just because she was the Angel of Death didn't mean that she didn't have emotions.

She wasn't God.

If anything, she was more like the Phoenix.

"The child will have angels for parents "through a love and another". She loves Warren and she loves her brother, Jay, who has the mutation of wings as well"

"So basically the X-gene for wings is in her body" she elaborated.

"Exactly"

She sighed and wiped away her tears.

"So that's it for me then?"

"No"

Betsy looked at the panther in surprise. That was not what she was expecting.

"No? What does that mean?"

"I know. Do you want to know too?"

"Yes. What do you mean that this isn't it for me yet?"

The panther smiled a smile that was neither scary nor intimidating. Even with a mouth full of sharp teeth, it was a smile of cleverness.

"_In and out of the shadows_

_floating below the deep_

_nothing is impossible_

_when the soulless weep"_

"What does that mean?" she asked frantically. Something in the back of her mind told her that it was very important.

As she asked the question, the Angel of Death dissolved into a wisp of black fog and the mortal plane around her vanished as well leaving her in the dark.

"I don't understand!" she yelled at the darkness.

"Don't worry" the Angel's voice echoed around her.

"He'll be able to see you"

And suddenly, Betsy Braddock was elsewhere.

* * *

This story is a mix of two different dreams I had. In one I was Betsy looking at Warren and Paige and I figured I was a ghost because I couldn't touch either of them and I could go through things. I had just read the 'She Lies with Angels' story line which is my favorite non-Phoenix related story. The last installment is only the second comic that made me cry (as pathetic as it sounds, the first one was New X-Men #163 at the end when Scott made his farewell speech to Jean at her grave). In the second dream I was the Angel of Death and I was giving some random person the tour of heaven. Everything related to the Soulless did not come to me in the dream but it is mine nonetheless. Whenever I think of a random rhyme or something that would make a good spell if it was used, I record it in this book I have that I call my Soulless because the first thing I put in it is the rhyme that is last said in this story.

I don't know when I'll update next but until then,

stray


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